I’m Back

The last month has been a roller coaster for me. April 3rd (my last post) I just got done getting an MRI on my knee. Turns out I had an oblique tear in the medial meniscus. It was a very long process… seeing doctors, specialists, x-rays, … of course through all of this my emotions were all over the place. 

On Tuesday, May 1st I had knee surgery. It actually went better than expected..they were able to repair the meniscus (and not remove any of it). In the LONG term, that is good news… had they removed any of it I would have increased likelihood of developing arthritis. Now, since it’s stitched together, I have a much longer hearing process (several months)… no squatting past 90* and taking stairs one at a time like a three-year-old. 

Since Tuesday I’ve been lost in a haze of ice packs, pillow forts, pain meds, stupid movies, and the interwebs.

IMG 2515

Rehabbing my knee and getting back to training for a half marathon again will be as much a mental feat as it will be physical. So, I’m back to blogging again. I realized, I shouldn’t only blog when things are going great and I’m mastering every run. I need to blog through the entire experience.

Finding my motivation will come in little ways… in fact, day 2 after the surgery I start leg lifts and exercising the knee. The first time through it was bad. Tears streamed down my face. But I fought through it. The next time…I turned on my “New Run” playlist. I listened to the music that I enjoyed on my last run.

I will find my Motivation.

I will run again.

Losing a New Found Love

It’s been a long time since I’ve visited the old blog. There have been several nights I’ve written a blog post in my head… only not to capture it here.

One part of me wishes I’d been more diligent at documenting these thoughts, but it’s been a rather depressing several days.

FLASHBACK

Friday night, March 16th – I was so nervous for my first road race the following morning. St Louis St Patrick Day 5 mile run! For weeks leading up to that day, I’d mentally thought about how I would prepare and eat and sleep the night before. As it turns out, that was all for naught. Gregg and I went shopping (Banana Republic Friends & Family bay-bee!) and got lost in the mall. Dinner was at 9pm. A sandwich from Panera Bread.

Saturday, March 17th – My FIRST RACE!!! I was a nervous wreck that morning. My stomach was all in knots and I had to mentally talk myself down numerous times. Gregg decided to run with me, rather than just being a spectator. Once we got downtown my nerves were on highest levels. We lined up. Pandora wouldn’t work – couldn’t get a signal. So I queued up my old playlist and got going. (BTW – it’s worth mentioning that I broke one of the oldest rules in the book. I tried something new on race day. Several things actually. New running skirt (love). New socks (well, my toe socks were layered under those HAWT knee socks). New arm band for the iPhone (perfect). And wore a t-shirt (because it was green!) rather than normal tanks.)

 

IMG 2342

So, other than the fact that my shoe came untied at 1.5 miles. And I missed the first water station. Overall the race went really well.  I was faster than I expected. And I had so many endorphins at the finish line!

NewImage

IMG 2338

IMG 2345

IMG 2347

As we headed back to the car… the trouble began.  (actually it began many weeks ago after the 9 mile run, but this was the breaking point)

My knee had a real hot, tight, sort of popping, pain. Ruh-Roh.

So I took Sunday off. And Monday. And Tuesday.

I was actually in Jury Duty all day Monday and Tuesday

IMG 2357

… just walking half mile from parking garage to courthouse (part of the very course I’d just run a few days ago!) left me near tears. So I made a doctor’s appointment for Thursday. The doctor wants an MRI on my medial meniscus… but insurance must approve.

So I took Wednesday – Monday off.

The weekend was damn near torture. But I thought to myself, I said “Self, rest now. Run later.” <– And this time I wasn’t being lazy!

Tuesday March 27th – TEN DAYS LATER! I decide to head to the treadmill. (Still waiting for insurance and I wanted to see if I could push through it… the Go! Half Marathon is just a few weeks away.)  I warmed up nice & slow. Some walking. Some hills. Ten minutes and no real problem. So, I decided it was time for a slow jog. Speed 5.5. Time less than 30 seconds. BAM! I can’t put weight on my right leg. I embarrassingly hobble over to the recumbent bike. Four minutes later… and nearly every seat adjustment later… I’m almost crying in the cardio section of my gym.

I needed to get off of it. So I hid in the tanning bed for 12 mins. Crying. Cursing. And wondering what I did wrong.

Today, my knee aches. I can walk. But I know something is wrong. And I’ve essentially lost hope for completing my first half marathon on April 15th.

I miss running.

I feel weak.

Im a quitter

See… even my recap is long and rambling and depressing!

So, I still haven’t heard from the doc about the MRI. But I plan to follow up again tomorrow.

In the mean time, I’ll be busting out lots of upper body strength and ab workouts. If I had to find a silver lining, that would be it.