A lot of healthy living blogs out there are talking about how to “Fight the Fat Talk”. I will make no claim at being able to provide any professional advice or tips supported by any time of research. Instead, I want to talk about my own personal struggle and how I am trying to help myself.
Rewind One Year…
Last year, about this time, I was completing my first Whole30. It was an incredible experience. It literally changed my life. Food had a whole new meaning for me and “healthy” had been completely redefined in my vocabulary.
As 2013 progressed, a deeper change occurred. My inner voice, the judgmental one, went quiet. When I looked into the mirror, the first thoughts in my head were not belittling, nit-picking, or demeaning in any sort of way. I was happy with my body, my progress, …myself.
The love/hate affair with the scale was broken. With no batteries in the scale, I only weighed myself a few times over the twelve months (using gym scales occasionally). Instead I took my body measurements and went with an “intuitive” health scale.
Unfortunately….something has happened…. and the mean voice has awoke with me.
I have weighed myself every day the past week.
I find something to pick on each time I look in the mirror.
I have tummy issues.
I have skin break outs.
But most regrettably, I am starting to tell myself that I’m not good enough.
There’s a fine line between “wanting to be a better person” and “not being good enough”. Everyone should strive for continuos improvement…whether it’s in their health, fitness, financial, intellectual, emotional, etc status. We can all be better people. But in doing so, we should also love ourselves in the process.
My box is doing an 8-week challenge (typical of most gyms with the body measurements, pictures, weight loss, prizes, etc). I told myself that I would not partake in this challenge because I want to tackle this in a healthy way. I need to break my bond with the scale.
So now I know, I weigh 165-170lbs and I have 15.5-16% body fat. This means that over the last year I have gained almost 15-20lbs, but I have also lost 10lbs of body fat (used to hover around 25%). These are just numbers…and they do not define me. And I’m not going to hide those numbers out of shame. While I’m heavier, I know that I’m healthier.
I will clear the house of chocolate.
I will remove the battery from the scale.
I will focus on the things I love… including myself.
And surely, over time, once again…. I will silence the mean voice within….