Losing a New Found Love

It’s been a long time since I’ve visited the old blog. There have been several nights I’ve written a blog post in my head… only not to capture it here.

One part of me wishes I’d been more diligent at documenting these thoughts, but it’s been a rather depressing several days.

FLASHBACK

Friday night, March 16th – I was so nervous for my first road race the following morning. St Louis St Patrick Day 5 mile run! For weeks leading up to that day, I’d mentally thought about how I would prepare and eat and sleep the night before. As it turns out, that was all for naught. Gregg and I went shopping (Banana Republic Friends & Family bay-bee!) and got lost in the mall. Dinner was at 9pm. A sandwich from Panera Bread.

Saturday, March 17th – My FIRST RACE!!! I was a nervous wreck that morning. My stomach was all in knots and I had to mentally talk myself down numerous times. Gregg decided to run with me, rather than just being a spectator. Once we got downtown my nerves were on highest levels. We lined up. Pandora wouldn’t work – couldn’t get a signal. So I queued up my old playlist and got going. (BTW – it’s worth mentioning that I broke one of the oldest rules in the book. I tried something new on race day. Several things actually. New running skirt (love). New socks (well, my toe socks were layered under those HAWT knee socks). New arm band for the iPhone (perfect). And wore a t-shirt (because it was green!) rather than normal tanks.)

 

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So, other than the fact that my shoe came untied at 1.5 miles. And I missed the first water station. Overall the race went really well.  I was faster than I expected. And I had so many endorphins at the finish line!

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As we headed back to the car… the trouble began.  (actually it began many weeks ago after the 9 mile run, but this was the breaking point)

My knee had a real hot, tight, sort of popping, pain. Ruh-Roh.

So I took Sunday off. And Monday. And Tuesday.

I was actually in Jury Duty all day Monday and Tuesday

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… just walking half mile from parking garage to courthouse (part of the very course I’d just run a few days ago!) left me near tears. So I made a doctor’s appointment for Thursday. The doctor wants an MRI on my medial meniscus… but insurance must approve.

So I took Wednesday – Monday off.

The weekend was damn near torture. But I thought to myself, I said “Self, rest now. Run later.” <– And this time I wasn’t being lazy!

Tuesday March 27th – TEN DAYS LATER! I decide to head to the treadmill. (Still waiting for insurance and I wanted to see if I could push through it… the Go! Half Marathon is just a few weeks away.)  I warmed up nice & slow. Some walking. Some hills. Ten minutes and no real problem. So, I decided it was time for a slow jog. Speed 5.5. Time less than 30 seconds. BAM! I can’t put weight on my right leg. I embarrassingly hobble over to the recumbent bike. Four minutes later… and nearly every seat adjustment later… I’m almost crying in the cardio section of my gym.

I needed to get off of it. So I hid in the tanning bed for 12 mins. Crying. Cursing. And wondering what I did wrong.

Today, my knee aches. I can walk. But I know something is wrong. And I’ve essentially lost hope for completing my first half marathon on April 15th.

I miss running.

I feel weak.

Im a quitter

See… even my recap is long and rambling and depressing!

So, I still haven’t heard from the doc about the MRI. But I plan to follow up again tomorrow.

In the mean time, I’ll be busting out lots of upper body strength and ab workouts. If I had to find a silver lining, that would be it.

 

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2 thoughts on “Losing a New Found Love

  1. this was really hard for me to read! because i’ve been there! i was 3/4 of the way through my training for a half back in oct when i found out i was preg. i was going to try and pull through and try and finish, but everyday was a battle just to function and think clearly(am i making you excited for pregnancy?) let alone run. so i quit. and i’m still kicking myself, but sometimes there is nothing you can do. so, i hope your MRI goes well. and just in case it goes REALLY well, here is a short blurb on tapering:http://www.marathontraining.com/marathon/m_taper.html

    tapering has helped me be prepared for big races and work through a myriad of back and muscle issues. good luck.

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